A Giggle from God

Well, this blog began at the beginning of the month, with some pretty lighthearted looks at some topics...but has gotten progressively more somber as time has gone on. I don't like this trend. While I think it is important to discuss things deeply and seriously...I also think it should always be done with a sense of humor. We take ourselves much too seriously.

As for me, I don't think that I take myself so seriously...but rather that my life has become rather serious: rather a fight for existence against the jaws of pain which would love to chew me up and spit me out somewhere along the way. I've been struggling against this happening; clinging to my pursuit for meaning in the face of a grim existence and a long future ahead of me or increasing pain and difficulty......Sometimes life just ISN'T FUNNY.

But you know.
Life may not be funny...or fun. But God is always good. And he, unlike me, never loses his sense of humor. Sometimes, it's in the very speed with which he comes racing to answer our cry and our requests and our desperate questions...that I can hear his giggle of delight. It's almost audible his thought, "It's about time you came to me with this one...and now that you have, HERE'S YOUR ANSWER....ta-dah!!"

Yesterday was like that.
I had a brutal night. I've used that word to several people now to describe it. Because that is the only word that seems appropriate. I've been engaged in a bloody battle with pain...and this enemy HAS NO MERCY. Last night, I got to the point of despair. (Which is a place I struggle with all my heart not to go these days.....) I began to pray through sobs...while sitting in my room in the dark, on my recliner...being nauseated and crushed by wave after wave of pain. I began to ask God questions that I normally do not need to ask...Areas where normally my faith is strong, suddenly became pits of quick sand where I was sinking up to my neck. I said to God:
"WHY???? why have you destroyed my life...and my very purpose for existing?? You have taken and removed every ability, every competence; every piece of enjoyment; every freedom...Every possible reason that I could have for existing is gone. And now the only thing that remains is my heart beating and this horrific pain. It has swallowed me. And I cannot go on like this anymore! It's not like I am suffering for my faith, and thus winning heavenly reward....it's not like I'm suffering for the benefit of anyone else...NO! I'm just plain old SUFFERING. It's pointless. and cruel. And I can't do it anymore. I need to know Why?? And what of what value is my life? Why do you prolong it? Please God, bring me to be with you...now. Tonight. Because I cannot survive another moment of this."

I questioned his purposes. I questioned his intent for good in my life (My benefit, my hope and my future - see Jeremiah 29:11-13); I questioned his wisdom...I questioned his concern for me. I questioned why I existed as well.

And God, instead of crushing me or disregarding me or being angered at my distress and this stumbling in my faith...chuckled as he revealed to me the answers to each question. And when I entered the kitchen...and saw dishes stacked from counter to ceiling...and dirty counters...etc., I began to cry...Because my pain was so great, I knew it was impossible for me to clean up that mess. And I cried out to God for help. I asked him to please send me someone to help me that day.

And not even ten minutes later, a friend on Facebook said to me, "I'm not doing anything today; do you need me to help you with something?" Well. YEAH, as a matter of fact I DO!!

And let me tell you that this is not something that has maybe ever happened before. NO one has ever come to me with an offer like that one. NOPE. This was God's giggle of good blessing in my life yesterday.

And there were more to come. I had a delightful day. This same friend took me out for coffee and later, out for lunch. And then to Walmart (OK, I DO have to forgive her for that one....) I do not often get out...And if I do it's to go to a doctor's office...Not for anything fun. So this was a great blessing and gift from God. A soft caress on a tear-stained face. A kiss for a confused child.

And later in the afternoon...He answered my questions in regard to my need to understand my function and purpose in life. And more specifically, why suffering is necessary in order for me to fulfill those purposes. And he showed me that, no, I am not cursed by God, but rather that he has blessed me with HEALTH , WEALTH AND WISDOM. Even though, I am sick, poor, and confused. Two friends, spontaneously, prompted by my chuckling Dad in Heaven, spoke to me via the internet (email) and brought these issues to my attention. And neatly spoke with the voice of God directly to my need.

So, even though I may have lost my giggle; My God has not. And it is not a mocking giggle. But a giggle of the loving delight he takes in me...and laughter which springs from his joy in responding immediately to my urgent need.

Deut. 33:26
"Yeshurun, there is no one like God, riding through the heavens to help you, riding on the clouds in his majesty."

Psalm 69:32
The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God's help live in joy.

Heb. 2:18
For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted.

Yes, God laughs when we've lost all our sense of humor.