Goin' to the Body Shop...

...to get me a new body!!

This one is simply crapping out...two bad hips, a hopelessly messed up spine, and now a shoulder that needs to be replaced in addition to the hips. Hands twisted up far worse than my grandmas' fingers ever thought of being...and lungs that refuse to breathe just to top it off.

I'm tired.
Tired of doctors, (sorry guys...I know you've worked hard to save and piece me back together...but really, if I never saw you again...I might send you a birthday card or say "hi" in Shop Rite...but I wouldn't miss you otherwise).
And hospital rooms. And hospital trays of food.
And sitting on the sidelines when I really, really want to be in the touch football game.
I had a good summer and a good fall.
I really did.
Other than a hip which kept dislocating (I kept right on walking my morning 3 or 4 miles lugging a huge brace along), I felt healthy and strong.
Then came a hip revision.
And an asthma attack.
And now, another hip replacement.
And then a shoulder replacement.

This after a full ten years of one hospital admission after another. Countless stays in rehab...endless bottle of pills...
Long LONG nights of pain. Sleepless tossing, sheet-twisting nights.
Coughing til I throw up.

Today I posted on FB that I'm so SO ready for heaven. (The question is really: IS HEAVEN READY FOR ME?? lol.) One of my friends responded with a frown. I really don't see anything wrong with saying that or feeling it or anticipating it. When every moment is a struggle...there's REALLY nothing wrong with looking forward to the end of the race.

And still.
I have NOTHING to complain about.
Not really.
I don't live in abject poverty. My daughter had what she needed growing up...I didn't have to watch her get sick and suffer horrible diseases as a result of vitamin deficiency, as my friend's children now are...far off across the globe, where it is hard for me to help them.
I'm not locked in prison...(just in this house...lol.)
I HAVE the medical care that I need...don't have to suffer these joints completely melting into nothing...but can get them replaced as they get destroyed by the PsA.
I have a husband who has not walked out on me...after all these years of "this"....yet....
I have a beautiful, healthy daughter....

And I have a God who loves me.
You might wonder how I can say that when it seems that the furies of hell have been poured out on my body....But he went through much worse for me to bring me to that incredible moment when Eternity invades my time and snatches me into His Presence...so what right do I have to complain??

Sometimes I pray for that moment to come quickly...like this morning...after a long hellish night...
Come Quickly Lord Jesus.