hi,...It's been awhile and I've missed writing this blog...I've had to take out all of my sarcastic wit on a chat friend of mine, Vicki. I love to make people laugh...should've been a stand-up comedienne rather than a lie-down schizophrenic! lol. And honestly, my other two blogs really aren't very funny. Treasures from Darkness is honestly rather morose (did I hear someone mutter "whiney"??? See, I hear these things....) and Flying Faith; Muddy Trenches well, it's about faith, pain, hope...a smattering of everything...but NOWHERE is there a hint of humor. (See, I can keep secrets!)
I told someone recently as we were both roaring over something exceptionally funny that I'd said, "I love to make myself laugh. Then I know it was really funny!" And it's true...sometimes (and don't let word of this get out) I walk around laughing out loud - for no apparent reason. The reason is that I just thought something hysterical. Don't you wish you had a tablet of paper and a pen with you everywhere you go ---OH, you do?? yeah..it's called an iPhone, I know. Well, I'm not organized enough to carry around pen and paper and I'm not rich enough to have an iPhone so --sadly--my really funny thoughts just float away into neural-space, lost to the rest of the world...and five minutes later, lost to me as well. (Short term memory loss bites!) But... if I did have paper or iPhone, I would be a world famous comedic journalist or something....
JOURNALIST!
That reminds me of the whole reason I started this absurdly pointless post: Tonight I had my first article published that was picked up by a news-service/ The news service is called
"ANS" or "Assist News Service" (web site: www.assistnews.net ) I wrote a story that was solicited from me by a --I believe, world-wide news service which sends out multiple daily emailings to its subscribers. So right now, millions (??) of households are in a few short hours going to be marveling over my insane life story....Here's the link --should you want to marvel too ( :)) ) Holding Fast to My Rock
I hope you enjoy it...And although I don't think it will make you laugh (if you do, I'm coming looking for you!) maybe you'll get some idea of where and how this poor mind of mine got so bent. lol
Have great one, peeps!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
New Blog Announcement
I've begun a new blogging venture...which is a bit different than I've done before...I invite you to take a look and if you like what you see, hang out there a while with me....
Friday, September 2, 2011
"My Daddy Owns this School!"
I know I said I wouldn't be posting for a while...but can't resist putting this post in which I wrote for my Facebook Notes: I hope you like it---
"I love Thee, O Lord, my strength."
the Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised,
And I am saved from my enemies.
The cords of death encompassed me,
And the torrents of ungodliness terrified me.
....
In my distress I called upon the Lord,
And cried to my God for help;
He heard my voice out of His temple,
And my cry for help before Him came into His ears.
Then the earth shook and quaked;
....
He bowed the heavens also, and came down
With thick darkness under his feet.
And He rode upon a cherub and flew;
And He sped upon the wings of the wind.
He made darkness His hiding place, His canopy around Him.,
Darkness of waters, thick clouds of the skies.
From the brightness before Him passed His thick clouds,
Hailstones and coals of fire.
The Lord also thundered in the heavens,
And the Most High uttered His voice,
Hailstones and coals of fire.
And He sent out His arrows, and scattered them
And lightening flashes in abundance and routed them.
He sent from on high, He took me;
He drew me out of many waters.
He delivered me from my strong enemy,
And from those who hated me.....
Psalm 18:1-17 selected
-------------------------------------------------
Do you realize that this is what God's response is when we pray to him for help? Deuteronomy says that "he rides the winds to help us"....in this passage it is described even more elaborately.
When his little ones are in trouble...or just being beset by the demons of the night....this is how he rides to our aid...mounted on a cherub (and no, they are NOT fat cute baby angels!), accompanied by lightening, hailstones and coals of fire....
I love the wild beauty of this passage. I wish I'd known it when I was a kid being bullied on the schoolyard. I recall once I told a girl who was constantly harassing and hitting me; "You'd better watch out; My Daddy owns this school!" meaning my heavenly Father. Well, that gave her some pause, and the abuse stopped for a couple of days...but soon she decided I didn't mean it...and picked up where she'd left off.
Our Daddy owns the universe--Satan, you'd better watch out!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Temporarily Suspended
Don't you hate things that leave you without closure? I do.
In particular, I hate abandoned blogs. I always wonder: What happened? Did the author get bored and walk away? Or did they get run over by a bus? And questions like that will drive me nuts. So I am not going to do that to you...
I am currently writing a book, as you will know if you read my other blog, Treasures from Darkness. (www.cynthialottvogel.blogspot.com) And I am also trying to actively work on my writing (so that I can actually get PAID for all this work! lol) So because I've been maintaining numerous blogs (4 to be exact) and am getting all wrung out of ideas, I am taking a temporary, (I hope) leave of absence from this blog. Please continue to follow me at the aforementioned blog, and also, please avail yourself of the material on this blog which may have preceded your arrival here...There's plenty of material to read in the annals of these two blogs. Plus I will be updating the other one.
Blessings and Joy to you.
Keep a smile on your face...after a while you will begin to believe it.
In particular, I hate abandoned blogs. I always wonder: What happened? Did the author get bored and walk away? Or did they get run over by a bus? And questions like that will drive me nuts. So I am not going to do that to you...
I am currently writing a book, as you will know if you read my other blog, Treasures from Darkness. (www.cynthialottvogel.blogspot.com) And I am also trying to actively work on my writing (so that I can actually get PAID for all this work! lol) So because I've been maintaining numerous blogs (4 to be exact) and am getting all wrung out of ideas, I am taking a temporary, (I hope) leave of absence from this blog. Please continue to follow me at the aforementioned blog, and also, please avail yourself of the material on this blog which may have preceded your arrival here...There's plenty of material to read in the annals of these two blogs. Plus I will be updating the other one.
Blessings and Joy to you.
Keep a smile on your face...after a while you will begin to believe it.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
WHAT a Night!!!
Last night was horrible.
Firstly, I was in record -breaking pain. And believe me that's saying something. First I dug out my heating pad and laid on it. (yes, in 90 degree weather) . No Help. Then I found I had to lie completely flat; no pillow, no bend in my hospital bed. My neck was as terrible as my lower back. (Just TRY operating a laptop from that position. I'd better figure out a good system going because I have a feeling that, maybe quite soon, I'm going to be working from that position all the time. Anyway, long Long story short, involving many very sincere prayers to God for relief; I ended up tripling my pain med dose--which is the first time I've ever done that. I'm not one to invent my own dosing instructions...But last night, it was either that, or suicide. No Joke.
THEN, I couldn't sleep. Yes after a triple dose of (insert name of strongest pain med in existence here) I still was wide awake. So I chatted online til midnight then began the old toss and turn attempt to sleep minus the toss and turn. Toss and turn?? You kidding ? To turn over on the bed is an agonizing piece of work, taking at least of minute of groaning and cursing, while using my hands and arms to turn my body by pulling on the side rails of my hospital bed.
So then I gave up on sleeping and moved to the recliner (about 30 munutes later) with my laptop. However (by this time it was about 2:30), I was sleepier than I thought, so dozed off with glasses on and laptop on. I slept til 3:00, and in about 5 seconds, jumped up and moved as fast as this body will move, to the bathroom and removed the commode from the toilet and.....
heaved up all of the contents of my stomach which included dinner and several night time snacks afterward. I mean I HURLED...the kind of puking where , though your head is down over the bowl...it still goes everywhere. This went on for a while and the clean up efforts took even longer. Then, completely miserable , I went back to the recliner.
And fell asleep again.
A weird, weird dream ensued. Of me rebuffing some man who was not my husband. Of trying to catch my daughter as she sneaked outside to meet drug dealers...of seeing her take something and then slip the bottles into her pocket. I then confronted her a short time later and made her empty her pockets...and finding she was taking some drug (a pain killer, don't recall which one,) and Meth.
Going in tears to my husband who was in bed, and encountering some sexily dressed woman who was just exiting his room. Well. That was just a peachy end to a peachy night's sleep..I'll tell you.
Then waking all paranoid and freaked out...Going into the mess in my kitchen and not being able to find several items and being convinced that they were stolen by our lovely cleaning lady, who I assure you, would never consider doing such a thing.
I thank the Lord for daylight...the realization of a better reality; a chance to start new....and an end to a night like that.
Firstly, I was in record -breaking pain. And believe me that's saying something. First I dug out my heating pad and laid on it. (yes, in 90 degree weather) . No Help. Then I found I had to lie completely flat; no pillow, no bend in my hospital bed. My neck was as terrible as my lower back. (Just TRY operating a laptop from that position. I'd better figure out a good system going because I have a feeling that, maybe quite soon, I'm going to be working from that position all the time. Anyway, long Long story short, involving many very sincere prayers to God for relief; I ended up tripling my pain med dose--which is the first time I've ever done that. I'm not one to invent my own dosing instructions...But last night, it was either that, or suicide. No Joke.
THEN, I couldn't sleep. Yes after a triple dose of (insert name of strongest pain med in existence here) I still was wide awake. So I chatted online til midnight then began the old toss and turn attempt to sleep minus the toss and turn. Toss and turn?? You kidding ? To turn over on the bed is an agonizing piece of work, taking at least of minute of groaning and cursing, while using my hands and arms to turn my body by pulling on the side rails of my hospital bed.
So then I gave up on sleeping and moved to the recliner (about 30 munutes later) with my laptop. However (by this time it was about 2:30), I was sleepier than I thought, so dozed off with glasses on and laptop on. I slept til 3:00, and in about 5 seconds, jumped up and moved as fast as this body will move, to the bathroom and removed the commode from the toilet and.....
heaved up all of the contents of my stomach which included dinner and several night time snacks afterward. I mean I HURLED...the kind of puking where , though your head is down over the bowl...it still goes everywhere. This went on for a while and the clean up efforts took even longer. Then, completely miserable , I went back to the recliner.
And fell asleep again.
A weird, weird dream ensued. Of me rebuffing some man who was not my husband. Of trying to catch my daughter as she sneaked outside to meet drug dealers...of seeing her take something and then slip the bottles into her pocket. I then confronted her a short time later and made her empty her pockets...and finding she was taking some drug (a pain killer, don't recall which one,) and Meth.
Going in tears to my husband who was in bed, and encountering some sexily dressed woman who was just exiting his room. Well. That was just a peachy end to a peachy night's sleep..I'll tell you.
Then waking all paranoid and freaked out...Going into the mess in my kitchen and not being able to find several items and being convinced that they were stolen by our lovely cleaning lady, who I assure you, would never consider doing such a thing.
I thank the Lord for daylight...the realization of a better reality; a chance to start new....and an end to a night like that.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Hospital Nostalgia?
So.
The two hospitals which have served as "our" hospitals for the past 18 years had merged a couple of years ago...And then a brand-spankin'-new medical center was built from the ground up...With state of the art EVERYTHING....And a list of benefits and qualities so amazing that it makes everyone who hears a description of the place want to go to the hospital for a nice long stay!!! It sounds more like a 5 star hotel than a hospital...the only thing they lack is a jacuzzi in every room!
And today was the big day. My husband, who works at that Medical Center, moved his department and office to the new building about two weeks ago. But TODAY a super-sized fleet of ambulances descended upon the two towns housing the old hospitals...and carried away every single patient from each place and deposited them safely in the new building. The first baby was born in the new hospital this morning at 10:40 AM....! I'll bet that mama got the royal treatment!
So I just got an email from my husband that both hospitals are now officially closed.
Sigh.
I spent so much time in those two buildings. Had my butt yanked back from the hungry jaws of death so many times there....Struggled to breathe. Yelled in pain....and had such good friends in the staff. The staff will remain...in the new building; but I'm sure the staffing assignments will get shifted around a bit, so that even if I return...the staff may not be the same ones who cared for me before.
I really thought I would die in one of those two buildings.
But nope. I outlived both of them.
Wonders will never cease.
In October I will probably have my shoulder replaced in the new medical center. It will be so interesting to see it. And I'll bet the OR doesn't look like a storage area either!
My husband too is a bit sad. His whole work history (any of consequence anyway) was spent in that building. Now we move on, to make new memories.
And how weird is it for a couple to feel saddened and nostalgic about a HOSPITAL closing???
...............Well, you know me: "Weird" doesn't even begin to describe me.
The two hospitals which have served as "our" hospitals for the past 18 years had merged a couple of years ago...And then a brand-spankin'-new medical center was built from the ground up...With state of the art EVERYTHING....And a list of benefits and qualities so amazing that it makes everyone who hears a description of the place want to go to the hospital for a nice long stay!!! It sounds more like a 5 star hotel than a hospital...the only thing they lack is a jacuzzi in every room!
And today was the big day. My husband, who works at that Medical Center, moved his department and office to the new building about two weeks ago. But TODAY a super-sized fleet of ambulances descended upon the two towns housing the old hospitals...and carried away every single patient from each place and deposited them safely in the new building. The first baby was born in the new hospital this morning at 10:40 AM....! I'll bet that mama got the royal treatment!
So I just got an email from my husband that both hospitals are now officially closed.
Sigh.
I spent so much time in those two buildings. Had my butt yanked back from the hungry jaws of death so many times there....Struggled to breathe. Yelled in pain....and had such good friends in the staff. The staff will remain...in the new building; but I'm sure the staffing assignments will get shifted around a bit, so that even if I return...the staff may not be the same ones who cared for me before.
I really thought I would die in one of those two buildings.
But nope. I outlived both of them.
Wonders will never cease.
In October I will probably have my shoulder replaced in the new medical center. It will be so interesting to see it. And I'll bet the OR doesn't look like a storage area either!
My husband too is a bit sad. His whole work history (any of consequence anyway) was spent in that building. Now we move on, to make new memories.
And how weird is it for a couple to feel saddened and nostalgic about a HOSPITAL closing???
...............Well, you know me: "Weird" doesn't even begin to describe me.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Puddles and Stroopwaffle
Recently I joined BlogFrog (have yet to put the button for that 0n this blog...NOTE to self: DO It!) and wow, has that kept me busy! For me, up til now, blogging has been a leisure activity...Something I just do because it gives me a sense (and if this isn't true: keep it to yourself) that my limited life has some meaning. And it still gives me that sense except that suddenly I'm a very small frog in a BIG puddle! (Ok: pond. Or maybe: lake....Ummm frogs don't swim in the ocean, do they??)
I mean these are HUGE blogs (some of them) where it's become a JOB and lifestyle for the owner/writers of them. They travel, sign autographs, write books, have their pictures taken everywhere....(Ok, maybe I'm confusing them with Reese Witherspoon, but you get my point!) And here I am, sitting in this 8'x10' bedroom where I spend 98.9% of my time, Sleepless in M'ford yet once again. (Actually I got 5 hours of sleep tonight: a stellar night!), tapping on my laptop, yet another rather pointless blog post....but feeling kind of like I'm talking to YOU tonight...and if there are more than one of you reading this post, sorry , you'll have to wait in the hall ...because my room has exactly room for me and ONE OTHER PERSON.....
Anyway...what is the point of all this??? (You're looking at your watch tapping your toes and saying 'Get on with it, I have an important cup of latte with my name on it, waiting)...
The Point.
Well, excuse me while I take a moment to consider how I'm going to neatly tie this up and how I can make some kind of sensible moral or erudite thought to leave with you....(while you all scramble for the dictionary to look up "erudite", I'll just think.............thinking....................still thinking.......)
I was thinking that I could say something trite and a bit foolish like, "Life is what you make of it"....which in all cases, is true. However when your life is limited by illness or pain, this takes on a particular significance. There is a young lady I follow on Twitter who has a rare disease called: Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (or M.E.)...Her Twitter profile says this about her:
25. Poet. Bedbound, unable 2 sit up/talk. Love athletics+swimming+BrentfordFC, TV+films, SciFi+Fantasy, Uni Challenge, Medicine, acting, Greek+Latin, wildlife
Sounds like a fairly full life right? NOT an active life: just a full one. Here are her own words describing herself:
*"Dignitas" is an organization which promotes and participates in "Assisted Dying" or Euthenasia.
Jenny's life by anyone's standard is a life of hell...yet she has managed to infuse meaning into it by her writing...of her thoughts on her mom's blog...by her lively, albeit rare, comments on Twitter which reveal an active, life-loving spirit; by her poetry (of which she has published a book available for purchase - see the end of this blog). I have been touched by her life...me, lying on my own bed, thousands of miles away from this young lady who never leaves her room...
And I so much wish I could tell her that there is a God; I know Him, hear him regularly speak to me...have seen him do wondrous things...and he loves her deeply and so passionately, that in fact, he died for her....and now lives, having conquered the death that she so deeply fears...and that if she can believe in this and accept it, then even if she walks through the door of physical death, her spirit will live in a new, glorified body...One untouched by sickness...And that I'll be there either before or after her arrival and will be glad to roller blade with her or to go running down some "golden"streets.
So LIVE your life, no matter what your circumstance, how limited a span of contact you have; Now with the internet, NO ONE need live and die in isolation. I praise God for this gift which has enabled me to chat with you tonight...here in this small puddle we are sharing!
Love you Jenny! Thanks for showing me that any life, anywhere, anytime has meaning if you grant it that chance. When I was sick and suicidal in those dark years following college...I thought my life was meaningless and awful. Then I was thin, beautiful, and healthy. And I was completely hopeless and hated life. Now I'm a "few" pounds heavier, not healthy by any stretch of the imagination, and I'm so so grateful to God for rescuing me from death, not once but NUMEROUS times both despite sickness and my own hand.
LIVE and Learn. and I would add: LOVE.
{To buy Jenny's book, go to : http://www.jkrowbory.co.uk/}
I mean these are HUGE blogs (some of them) where it's become a JOB and lifestyle for the owner/writers of them. They travel, sign autographs, write books, have their pictures taken everywhere....(Ok, maybe I'm confusing them with Reese Witherspoon, but you get my point!) And here I am, sitting in this 8'x10' bedroom where I spend 98.9% of my time, Sleepless in M'ford yet once again. (Actually I got 5 hours of sleep tonight: a stellar night!), tapping on my laptop, yet another rather pointless blog post....but feeling kind of like I'm talking to YOU tonight...and if there are more than one of you reading this post, sorry , you'll have to wait in the hall ...because my room has exactly room for me and ONE OTHER PERSON.....
Anyway...what is the point of all this??? (You're looking at your watch tapping your toes and saying 'Get on with it, I have an important cup of latte with my name on it, waiting)...
The Point.
Well, excuse me while I take a moment to consider how I'm going to neatly tie this up and how I can make some kind of sensible moral or erudite thought to leave with you....(while you all scramble for the dictionary to look up "erudite", I'll just think.............thinking....................still thinking.......)
I was thinking that I could say something trite and a bit foolish like, "Life is what you make of it"....which in all cases, is true. However when your life is limited by illness or pain, this takes on a particular significance. There is a young lady I follow on Twitter who has a rare disease called: Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (or M.E.)...Her Twitter profile says this about her:
25. Poet. Bedbound, unable 2 sit up/talk. Love athletics+swimming+BrentfordFC, TV+films, SciFi+Fantasy, Uni Challenge, Medicine, acting, Greek+Latin, wildlife
Sounds like a fairly full life right? NOT an active life: just a full one. Here are her own words describing herself:
[This was written over a long period of time, sentence by sentence, on Jenny's iPod]
"What I can say is that I’m very very glad that I exist! However, I have a worse quality of life and suffer far more significantly than most people who commit suicide or who go to Dignitas.* My condition is constantly deteriorating and every day there is the threat that I might die. Every day I don’t know if this will be the day that one of my organs might finally completely fail. Would others consider that my life is not worth living? I’m bed-bound, unable to sit up, unable to speak; a nurse bedbaths me, someone has to hold a straw to my mouth for me to drink my liquid food. My current condition is unbearable. The severe symptoms, 24/7 physical distress and agony is intolerable. And yet, I’m still alive. I see the minutes moving by on my clock and I’m still here. My will to live, to survive, has never been stronger."
*"Dignitas" is an organization which promotes and participates in "Assisted Dying" or Euthenasia.
Jenny's life by anyone's standard is a life of hell...yet she has managed to infuse meaning into it by her writing...of her thoughts on her mom's blog...by her lively, albeit rare, comments on Twitter which reveal an active, life-loving spirit; by her poetry (of which she has published a book available for purchase - see the end of this blog). I have been touched by her life...me, lying on my own bed, thousands of miles away from this young lady who never leaves her room...
And I so much wish I could tell her that there is a God; I know Him, hear him regularly speak to me...have seen him do wondrous things...and he loves her deeply and so passionately, that in fact, he died for her....and now lives, having conquered the death that she so deeply fears...and that if she can believe in this and accept it, then even if she walks through the door of physical death, her spirit will live in a new, glorified body...One untouched by sickness...And that I'll be there either before or after her arrival and will be glad to roller blade with her or to go running down some "golden"streets.
So LIVE your life, no matter what your circumstance, how limited a span of contact you have; Now with the internet, NO ONE need live and die in isolation. I praise God for this gift which has enabled me to chat with you tonight...here in this small puddle we are sharing!
Love you Jenny! Thanks for showing me that any life, anywhere, anytime has meaning if you grant it that chance. When I was sick and suicidal in those dark years following college...I thought my life was meaningless and awful. Then I was thin, beautiful, and healthy. And I was completely hopeless and hated life. Now I'm a "few" pounds heavier, not healthy by any stretch of the imagination, and I'm so so grateful to God for rescuing me from death, not once but NUMEROUS times both despite sickness and my own hand.
LIVE and Learn. and I would add: LOVE.
{To buy Jenny's book, go to : http://www.jkrowbory.co.uk/}
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